Day 1: The Bad Habit Hit List: A Countdown to Unf*cking Your Life, One Crappy Habit at a Time
#15. Compulsive phone checking: Put the phone down, you’re not that popular
Put your fcking phone down!
Yes, you there! Put the fcking phone down!
Today’s bad habit?
Compulsive phone checking.
You know, that reflexive thumb flick you do every 14 seconds like your screen holds the secrets to the universe.
Spoiler alert: it’s the number 42.
Welcome to Day 15 of The Bad Habit Hit List, where we start off light, relatable, and just a little bit shameful.
The grim reality of your phone obsession
Most of us check our phones more often than we check in with our family, or our emotions.
You’re in the middle of a meaningful conversation, a gripping film, or even dangling off the edge of a cliff, and your brain still whispers, "What if I have an important notification?"
You don’t.
“What if Aunt Christine has an update about her chrysanthemums?”
She doesn’t.
It’s just that email from ASOS about a sale you can’t afford right now.
Compulsive phone checking is like poking a digital slot machine.
You’re not even sure what you’re hoping for—a text?
A like?
A notification from that app you downloaded in 2017 and forgot about?
Whatever it is, it’s not life-changing.
Unless you’re waiting for a kidney transplant.
Then carry on.
Why we do it
Dopamine Hit Factory:
Every ping, buzz, or red notification bubble is like a mini hit of dopamine.
It’s the same chemical that makes gambling addictive.
Yes, Instagram is basically a slot machine, but with more influencers and fewer life savings lost in Vegas.Avoidance Tactic:
Don’t feel like facing that awkward silence, uncomfortable emotion, or boring task?
Congratulations, you’ve just unlocked Level 7 of Phone Escape Tactics.FOMO (Fear of Missing Out):
What if something important happens?
Like your coworker posting a blurry picture of their lunch (or their lunchbox 🤮).
You wouldn’t want to miss that culinary masterpiece, right?
How to unf*ck this habit
Make It Inconvenient:
Leave your phone in another room.
Turn it off.
Bury it in a potted plant.
Whatever makes it harder to reach.
If your phone’s less accessible, so is your compulsion.Set App Limits:
Use screen time restrictions.
Yes, your phone can help you stop using your phone.
Irony level: expert.Notification Detox:
Turn off non-essential notifications.
You don’t need to know every time someone likes your post.
Trust me, Karen’s comment can wait.Schedule Your Screen Time:
Give yourself designated phone check-in times.
Like a digital coffee break.
After that, it’s back to real life, where people’s faces aren’t pixelated.Notice the Urge:
Every time you reach for your phone, pause.
Ask yourself, “Why am I doing this?”
If the answer is boredom, discomfort, or habit, put the phone down and sit with that feeling.
Yes, feel the shame.
It won’t kill you.
Probably.
A parting shot of honesty
You’re not missing out.
Your phone will still be there.
Your notifications will wait.
The real question is: what are you missing out on in real life because you’re glued to that screen?
Stay tuned for #14: “Nail-Biting: Your Fingers Aren’t a Snack, Susan” — because apparently, stress turns us into anxious cannibals.