Day 14: The Bad Habit Hit List: A Countdown to Unf*cking Your Life, One Crappy Habit at a Time
#2. Stop being such an asshole… to yourself (negative self-talk)
“You’re such a twat!”
“You’re such a f*cking idiot!”
“Why did you do that?”
<Sigh!>
Negative self-talk…
That inner monologue of doom that makes you feel like a failure before you’ve even started.
You’re worse than any bully could ever be… to yourself.
It’s like having your own personal heckler—except instead of shouting from the audience, it’s living in your head, rent-free, drinking all your confidence, and pissing on your ambitions.
Why are you your own worst critic?
Let’s be real—if a friend spoke to you the way you talk to yourself, they’d be eating pavement.
Worse still, if someone spoke to you like that in school, they’d be reprimanded for bullying.
And yet, you let your inner voice bully you all the time - call you an idiot, a failure, a waste of oxygen.
Why?
Because at some point, you bought into the bullshit belief that self-criticism is the same as self-improvement.
It’s not.
Negative self-talk isn’t “keeping you humble.”
It’s not “motivating” you.
It’s self-sabotage with a side of emotional masochism.
You wouldn’t train a puppy by screaming “YOU’LL NEVER BE A GOOD DOG, YOU STUPID FURRY FAILURE!”
So why do it to yourself?
How to shut that inner asshole up
Here’s the deal: you can’t evict your inner critic completely, but you can turn it into an annoying background character instead of the main narrator.
1. Catch It in the Act
Negative self-talk is sneaky.
It disguises itself as realism: “I’m just being honest with myself.”
No, you’re not.
You’re being a dick.
Start noticing when you’re berating yourself.
Catch those thoughts like they’re flying bricks aimed at your self-esteem.
2. Question the Evidence
Would this hold up in court?
Probably not.
“I suck at everything” is a statement with no proof.
Everyone sucks at something to begin with… until they practice… then they become less sucky.
Over time, you’ll get good.
Challenge that nonsense.
Find counter-evidence.
3. Talk to Yourself Like a Friend
If your best mate came to you saying, “I’m a failure, I’ll never succeed,” would you nod and agree?
No, you’d tell them they’re being ridiculous and remind them of all the reasons they’re not doomed to a life of mediocrity.
Try that on yourself.
4. Reframe, Don’t Bullshit
Toxic positivity is just as useless as toxic negativity.
You don’t have to chant, “I’m amazing and perfect” if you don’t believe it.
But you can try, “I’m learning,” or “I’m figuring things out.”
Small shifts make a big difference.
5. Call Out the Imposter Syndrome Gremlin
If you ever think, “I don’t deserve this” or “I’m just unlucky,” congratulations, you’ve met the Imposter Syndrome Gremlin.
It whispers nonsense in your ear, hoping you’ll quit before you realise you’re actually capable.
Tell that asshole to go f*ck himself.
The bottom line? Be nicer to yourself.
You wouldn’t let a stranger talk to you like this.
You wouldn’t let a friend believe these lies.
So why the hell are you still letting your own brain get away with it?
Time to break the habit and start treating yourself with the same kindness you so freely give to others.
Now go and be nice to yourself—or at least nicer.
You deserve that much.
Next up:
The Grand Finale: Fear of not being enough (disguised as all the previous articles)
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