Day 6: The Bad Habit Hit List: A Countdown to Unf*cking Your Life, One Crappy Habit at a Time

Feb 12, 2025

Right, so I was supposed to write this article yesterday.

Or last week.

Or, honestly, months ago when I first came up with the idea.

But, in a shocking twist that absolutely no one saw coming, I… didn’t.

Because why do something now when you can heroically push it into the future and let it become future you’s problem? (Future Me is not amused.)

Let’s break it down, shall we?

Here’s the foolproof method for achieving absolutely nothing:

Have an Important Task.
Oh wow, look at that.
A thing that needs doing.
Fascinating.
Decide to Start… Soon.
Definitely not now, though.
Maybe after a snack.
Or a nap.
Or a complete home renovation.
Feel the Guilt Creeping In.
Ah yes, the familiar taste of self-loathing.
Delicious.
Distract Yourself to Death.
Let’s watch one (four) episodes of that shit show.
Or scroll endlessly through social media, looking at people who didn’t procrastinate.
Panic.
Because suddenly, it’s due tomorrow and you have the productivity of a boiled potato.
Chaotic Last-Minute Scramble.
Adrenaline-fueled, stress-induced, regret-laden hustle mode.
Swear to Never Do This Again.
LOL.
See you next time, same disaster, different day.

Because our brains are absolute psychopaths, that’s why.

Logically, we know procrastinating is a bad idea.

We know it leads to stress, rushed work, and late-night existential crises.

But does that stop us?
Absolutely not.

Instead, we tell ourselves comforting little lies:

“I work best under pressure.” (No, you work fast under pressure. Different thing.)
“I’ll feel more motivated tomorrow.” (Narrator: They would not.)
“I deserve a break before I start.” (From what, exactly? The not starting?)

Now, if you actually want to stop procrastinating, you have two choices:

Trick Yourself Into Starting.
Tell yourself you’ll just do five minutes.
Five minutes is nothing.
Five minutes is harmless.
And, surprise surprise, once you start, you’ll probably keep going.
Accept That You’ll Never Feel Like It.
Stop waiting for motivation to hit.
It won’t.
You just have to do the thing, even while kicking and screaming internally.
Use a Timer.
The Pomodoro Technique: 25 minutes of work, 5-minute break.
It’s science-y, it works, and it might stop you from getting sucked into the abyss.
Remove the Fun Distractions.
No, you don’t need your phone next to you while you work.
No, you won’t just check Instagram for “one second.”
We both know better.
Threaten Yourself.
Set an embarrassing consequence. “If I don’t finish this, I’ll post my teenage emo poetry online.”
Boom.
Instant productivity.

And that’s okay.

Because I’ll be right there with you, putting things off until the last possible second.

But hey, at least we’re self-aware.

That’s something, right?