My Dad Died and Negative Thinking Nearly Killed Me Too
You can’t avoid the suck, but you can decide how long you stay stuck: Why positive thinking isn’t just bullsh*t
So, you think positive thinking is a load of horseshit, right?
I get it.
Life’s full of curveballs — some are just hard gut-punches to the face.
But if positive thinking is bullshit, what is negative thinking?
And it’s easy to sit there, in the middle of your misery, letting it fester.
But here’s a question for you: how’s that working out for you?
Because let’s be real — sitting in that pit of negativity is doing nothing but slowly killing you from the inside out.
And no: positive thinking isn’t about being a rainbow-chasing unicorn either…
Negative thoughts are natural, but drowning in them will kill you
Positive thinking isn’t some magical potion that wards off bad stuff like garlic for vampires.
I’m all for positivity, but let’s get real: negative things happen.
Constantly.
Whether it’s spilling coffee on yourself on the one day you actually ironed a shirt or your dad dying at 55 from cancer, life throws you curveballs, and not the good kind.
Now, when bad stuff happens — and trust me, it will — do you really want to spend your time replaying that scene on a loop in your head like some kind of sadistic Netflix series?
Or would you rather get off your arse and learn something from it, even if that “something” is that the universe likes to kick us in the balls at the worst possible moments?
Sure, having a negative thought every now and then is as normal as breathing.
But it’s a slippery slope.
The reality check you need
Negative shit happens — constantly.
You don’t need me to tell you that.
But you’ve got two options when life throws you a curveball:
Stay pissed off, drowning in your self-pity like it’s some kind of emotional quicksand.
Feel the hit, learn from it, and MOVE ON.
Look, no one’s saying you’ve gotta be some clown dancing in the rain, pretending everything’s fine.
But wallowing in your misery like it’s your new personality?
That’s a fast track to turning your life into a fiery pit of despair.
Grief is okay. Drowning in it isn’t
Everyone’s had some kind of “death” in their life — whether it’s an actual person, a relationship, a job, or that favourite hoodie you lost at a party (we’ve all been there).
And yeah, it’s okay to grieve, to feel sad, to wish things were different.
But there’s a difference between taking time to mourn and getting stuck in a never-ending funeral for your own hopes and dreams.
Forever living in the wake of all the bad stuff that’s ever happened to you.
When my dad died just before Christmas 2002, after a long, torturous battle with bowel cancer — and a brain tumour that was the final nail in his coffin — it hit hard.
Like, ‘couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think, whole world turned upside down’ hard.
My dad was 55.
That’s way too young.
There were still years of family memories left to make, Christmases to ruin with too much booze, and dad jokes to roll our eyes at.
I could have let that consume me.
I could have hated Christmas forever, turned into the ultimate Scrooge, refusing to put up lights or buy presents because what’s the point, right?
I could’ve spent every December brooding over what the doctors didn’t do or should’ve done — bitter and angry that we lost him too soon.
But that’s not how it played out.
Here’s the deal: positive thinking doesn’t mean slapping a fake smile on your face like some deranged Pollyanna, prancing around talking about how “everything happens for a reason.”
That’s not real.
What’s real is giving yourself the time you need to process, to feel the loss — but understanding that you can’t let it define the rest of your life.
Positive thinking doesn’t mean you’re living in fairyland
Here’s the thing about positive thinking that everyone loves to get wrong: It’s not about shoving your head in the sand and pretending everything smells like roses when your life is a shit show.
It’s not about being the idiot at a funeral who says, “Oh well, they’re in a better place now” (punch-in-the-throat behaviour).
Positive thinking isn’t being a Disney character who grins through tragedy while singing to woodland creatures.
It’s about resilience.
It’s about looking at life’s massive fuck you moments and deciding not to let them wreck you.
It’s about getting punched in the gut by the universe, taking a few breaths, and standing back up.
Bruised?
Yes.
Broken?
Maybe.
But definitely not beaten.
Positive thinking is about focusing on what’s left, not what’s gone.
Like me, choosing to hold onto the hilarious Christmas memories of my dad wobbling into my room after too many drinks, trying to be Santa but knocking into everything like a drunk elephant.
That’s what I carry with me.
Not just his death.
Why I didn’t let my dad’s death destroy me
Let me get personal for a second.
My dad passed away when I was 26.
Cancer.
A brutal battle with bowel cancer that ended with a brain tumour right before Christmas.
I could’ve let that destroy me.
I could’ve let that become the reason I hated Christmas for the rest of my life.
And for a minute, yeah, it was a dark cloud over everything.
But here’s the thing: I chose not to let that define my future.
Even in the grief, I found joy in the memories — like the time my dad, fully wasted, dressed up as Santa and tried to sneak presents into my room, knocking over half the furniture, like a giant red, fat, elephant.
That’s the stuff I hold onto.
And even though his death ripped a hole in my world, I didn’t let it turn into a bottomless pit.
What’s the alternative? Constant negativity? Good luck with that.
So, here’s a question: If positive thinking is such “bullshit,” what’s the alternative?
Constant negativity?
Why does positive thinking get such a bad rap?
Surely people can’t think living down in the doldrums forever is a good goal?
Let me tell you right now, negative thinking isn’t going to make life any easier.
In fact, it’s more like trying to navigate life with ankle weights and a blindfold on.
You’re just making it harder for yourself.
Living in perpetual grief, regret, or anger won’t bring back the person you lost, undo that breakup, or resurrect your job.
It just slowly eats away at you.
The longer you stay in that pit of negativity, the deeper it gets, until you can’t even see the bloody sky anymore.
Negative thinking is like clinging to a sinking ship, convinced that if you hold on tight enough, you won’t drown.
You’re going down either way.
The cost of staying stuck in negativity
Here’s what no one tells you: negativity compounds.
It doesn’t stay the same; it gets worse.
And the longer you sit in it, the harder it is to crawl out.
Every time you refuse to let go, every time you stay stuck in “life sucks and it’s never gonna get better,” you’re choosing to let your past fuck over your future.
That’s the thing about positive thinking — it’s not pretending shit doesn’t happen.
It’s about saying, “Yeah, this sucks right now. But I’m not gonna let this one thing ruin the rest of my life.”
Focus on the future, not what you can’t change
Listen, there’s no “undo” button in life.
I’ve checked.
You can’t rewind and stop the bad stuff from happening.
But you can choose what you do next.
Positive thinking isn’t about pretending the bad didn’t happen — it’s about making sure it doesn’t own you.
Why limit your future because of something that happened in the past? Why let one chapter of your story define the rest?
I’m not saying you need to be Happy McHappyface all the time (who even does that?).
I’m saying you need to focus on what you can control — your thoughts, your attitude, your future.
You can’t rewrite the past, but you can bloody well decide what the next page looks like.
My dad’s death could’ve made me bitter, angry, and resentful.
It could’ve made me hate Christmas, or doctors, or life itself.
Instead, I remember the good stuff and keep moving forward.
Not because it’s easy, but because the alternative is a slow death by negativity.
And frankly, I’d rather not spend my life stuck in that pit.
So yeah, positivity isn’t all sunshine and rainbows.
But negativity?
That’s the real bullshit.
So, what’s your move?
You’ve got one life.
No undo button, no magic rewind.
Do you want to spend it chained to the misery of things you can’t change, or do you want to rise above it?
Because the only thing worse than going through pain is staying in it when you could’ve moved on.
Pain’s inevitable.
Suffering?
That’s a choice.
Here’s your next move
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